Hate

It’s two sides of the same coin…love and hate.

The more research I do the more I see that you were and still are very eloquent with your expression of love. It comes across as you having feelings but in reality, those words just keep your mask in place.

The things that you say in private, the things you don’t say regularly, your actions, most of all, your actions are most telling.

I recognise now that I chose to ignore them, thinking they would pass. I took your words on board about letting things go but was always surprised and a little bit gobsmacked when you’d haul me over the coals for doing things that you did. You were the one who wouldn’t let things go, my bad was ignoring them & letting them go without challenge.

This business with the key, you’ve hung onto it as a back up plan yet you won’t commit, just in case something better comes along.

I am not your back up plan. I gave you the opportunity to start afresh but you didn’t take me up on it.

You don’t get to miss the dogs…youve had ample opportunities to spend tume with them but have consistently declined it. Anything you say about missing them now, is your own doing.

Missing the babies, whilst a traumatic event with no doubt, the back story is far more intriguiging than your behaviour towards your living responsibilities.

I am glad you’re sober, it keeps me safe from your drunken pity parties.

I no longer believe your version of things, having experienced you.

I don’t wish you well as that will condone your continued MO. Your flying monkeys will always support you but I find the lengths that you, go to to engage them, very distasteful.

I am glad I am setting myself free from you.

I have been sad but that is so much better than the stress and anxiety I had being “your person”. That’s Christi’s term I’ve noticed & you use it to great affect.

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I didn’t know you were a drunk

When I used to read your messages or.look at your Facebook comments, I didn’t know you were drunk.

My knowledge came later.

After the first anniversary we were on Rocky ground.

Then we split up.

You spent a lot of our time apart paralytic.

You got worse. You hated Paul and you fucked up your career prospects.

The car went.

You finally hit rock bottom whilst I was excruciatingly busy at work. I didn’t dare leave you alone.

You sobered up and things got better.

I got worse after Alex left.

You had a year off drinking and then the cockiness returned…as with the drinking.

I hate you. I hate you so much.

I am done.